Parenting Survival Tip: Let It Go

"I love change and when things are unpredictable!" said no one ever.

Now, I'm not Type A nor am I a control freak but I'm a planner and I like things to be predictable. So when it came to my pregnancy and eventually having a baby I had all these fantasies of what it was going to be like that didn't always come true.

Some examples:

• We wanted him to sleep, swaddled, in a bassinet before we could put him in his own room upstairs in his crib.
  • Reality: He slept in a dockatot in bed with us for a few months. Swaddled, though, so 2/3 isn't terrible.
• I love eggs and wanted to share the joy of eggs with him.
  • Reality: He is severely allergic to eggs. And now I am extremely on edge when I feed him anything new. The latest allergens are pistachios and cashews.
• Absolutely no screen time till he's two.
  • Reality: Sometimes I need 15 minutes to do something (bathroom break, not set the kitchen on fire with the oven, take a shower) so we've been letting him "watch" Mr Rogers' Neighborhood. Recently we graduated to Sesame Street and he gets this distraction for a very limited time each day.

I get it, he's a baby. I can't expect it ALL to go "right" and I was under no illusions that this was going to be smooth sailing but just in case you or someone you know thinks it is, send them here.

So aside from my life being consumed by my tot, it is also as consumed by the musical Hamilton (will no be surprised or sad about it if he knows all the words before he can even speak) and, subsequently, the podcast The Hamilcast (if you love Hamilton, you cannot say no to this podcast!) and almost every episode has provided me with quotes that have become constant references for my life. Bear with me, this is going somewhere.

One that's been on my brain since last week comes from cast member Nik Walker who plays Aaron Burr in the show. He talked about how being in Hamilton is equal parts awesome and equal parts harrowing (much like parenting). To paraphrase, he said that there's so much going on, so many details and literal moving parts that "to do eight shows a week..."

Pardon his/my French but this is life and parenting in a nutshell! All the planning, all the "I'm going to teach him this" and "We are not going to do X till he's X" and whatever hopes and ambitions I have will likely not go according to plan. HOWEVER I feel I should also explain that just because the journey isn't going according to plan doesn't mean the destination is completely out of sight. For all the botched attempts, for all the tears and frustrations, there are still rewards bestowed upon you by your toothless little person in many other forms. Just know that it won't be what you imagined all the time.

If you're at all like me and are afraid of making mistakes or change or unpredictability? It is time you take control of THAT and know that all that is inevitable and to maintain control, you have to let things go.

Another good Hamilton quote I say over and over is, "I am the one thing in life I can control."

Frankly I had to learn how to let go when I was pregnant because there was only so much I could do. Your body does everything, you just have to keep its environment ideal by eating well, getting rest when you need it, and then sitting back and trusting that everything is developing correctly. It's not like you can pinch your nose and make the baby do something in utero and that unknown was so scary to me. How paranoid was I? I would still take pregnancy tests well into my third trimester.

The difference between then and now is that pregnancy afforded me lots of time to mull. I didn't realize how much time I had until The Baby came along and now, I'm glad I'm so much better at letting things go because, well, there's just no time to think about it. Adaptability, not sweating the small stuff (like my dad likes to say), and appreciating each moment and, yes, even the mistakes for what they are? It's all a learning curve.

The fuckery will abound, and you will be ready for it.

Because it's all so worth it.