Best Laid Plans of Moms Often Go Awry: Things I Said Pre-Baby Vs. Reality
To all my friends who had children before me, I would like to extend a very sincere and overdue apology. I am sorry for ever EVER assuming I had a clue about children, whether it was something I said to you or a remark I may have made in passing because I clearly did not know what the hell I was talking about.
Raising a child seems so simple in theory, right? Like, how hard could having a baby be? What do you mean you can’t go out this weekend? Can’t you just bring your child with you?
We’ve made it to the 2 year mark and I want to share a few things I had so confidently declared before Theo came along that on which I’ve very quickly gone back.
MY BABY IS GOING TO SLEEP IN HIS CRIB AND NOT WITH ME
Yes. The potential of SIDS is scary AF. There’s warning signs on everything here in America and I am not telling you to co-sleep because it’s different for everybody and I did it at my own risk and at Theo’s. We used our Dockatot a lot and I may not have slept great but I slept better than if he woke up crying many many times at night only for me to hold him again.
He’s been sleeping in his own crib as soon as he could wriggle out of his swaddle and I tried asking if he’d like to “go night night in mama’s bed” while The Husband was out of town last week and he said “no. Night night Theo’s bed” so there’s that.
Again, I am NOT advocating you do the same even if you do have a dockatot, but I am also not going to discourage you from doing what is right for you.
NO SCREEN TIME TILL HE’S AT LEAST 2
A friend had given me some sound advice that if I needed to go to the bathroom or needed 15 minutes to myself and if the TV were my last resort, to let him watch Mr. Rogers because Mr. Rogers spoke directly to him and it wasn’t just some mindless cartoon.
That was back when he was old enough to crawl then walk around but not old enough to figure out how to escape a pack n play so on days when I desperately needed to shower or to go to the bathroom I’d plonk him in there and turn on Mr. Rogers’ Neighborhood.
These days though, we do allow up to an hour in a whole day of his favorite shows. His attention span doesn’t last long and he ends up running off to play after maybe 10 minutes. I try not to use my phone much in front of him and the only time he gets to do anything on my phone or an iPad is if we are traveling, at the tail end of a meal in a restaurant and I just need him to stay quiet for another 20 minutes while we finish up, or when we’re at the doctor and I need him to sit still.
Gratuitous nap cam pic.
MY CHILD IS GOING TO LIVE BY MY SCHEDULE
I get why my friends couldn’t just go out for lunch or coffee anymore and why getting together required lots of advance planning. I get why they had to be home for bedtime before the sun even sets in the summer. I TOTALLY get why people put their kids to bed at 7pm!!
Children need structure and routine but more importantly WE PARENTS need the sanity that comes from said routine. Theo’s in bed by 7:30 - 8 TOPS and then the hours after are sacred to do what I need to do.
MY CHILD WILL EAT EVERYTHING I EAT, NO COMPROMISE
Egg/cashew/pistachio allergies aside, I do still try my best to share what we eat with him so (to the best of my ability) he gets a taste for various flavors and textures. But some days (read: most days) he’s eating the same thing because I know he will eat it.
He IS getting better about it though and will try most things once. His latest thing is calling salad vegetables trees and he’s always asking, “Theo try it? Tree?” Yes I know, it’s so cute.
I’M GOING TO SAY EVERYTHING IN ENGLISH AND CHINESE!
Turns out my Chinese has gotten worse so I’ve really been quarter-ass-ing this one. I also wonder how useful Chinese would be since no one in my family actually speaks it and I’d be better off speaking to him in Singlish (it may as well be its own language) or in a Singaporean accent so he better understands what people back home are saying. I really am trying with the Chinese though, let’s hope the little I teach him sticks!!
NO TOYS OUTSIDE OF THE PLAY AREA/ROOM
Lol.
This is my living room.
We’re all trying our best, right? I go back and forth from feeling guilty for not following through and caving to being completely zen with changing my mind. If I were honest with myself I know I’m not harming him and that he’s fine. This is all temporary, and it’s not worth taking my energy away from the positives by worrying about this.
I am learning to pick my battles.
I encourage you to do that too!
